This is a story about Matthew Krocker. Matthew falls in love a lot. He fell in love several times the day before yesterday and if you catch him around town tomorrow he may fall in love right in front of your eyes. Hell, he might even fall in love with you!
Matthew Krocker: 25 years old, 6 feet, 2 inches from the ground. Blondish hair, doesn’t need to shave, doesn’t own a comb. By all definitions good looking, blah blah blah!
Last Tuesday (which is 8 days from this present day which is a Wednesday) Matthew fell in love 6 times. That brought his weekly average up from the previous week; he now falls in love roughly 13.4 times every 7 days.
That’s a lot of love. (However Not a lot of lovin’)
Matthew is not a sex addict. Quite the contrary, its been almost a year since he has found himself sweaty and all that next to one he loved and loved. It’s a matter of principle really; he encounters beautiful and/or unique women and just…falls in love. Also a matter of principle, Mr. Matt believes in ‘the one’. Dumb right?
Random journal entry
She might have been the one, like really the one! But how could I know? Sometimes I think that every beautiful woman that I meet is the one. New thought, what if they are all the one? Like different aspects of the one and I am destined to fall in love with each and every one of them until finally in an explosive moment of destiny they all merge together into ‘the-super-undeniable-one’. Ok like today I was driving down 4th st and I came to a stop on the corner by ‘X-amine’, and I look over to see the most amazing woman in the black BMW next to me. Her hair was so black it looked blue and she had a smile that seemed to say “I’ve just come from half way across the world and am so glad to be home.” I just wanted to take her face in my hands and tell her “you are beautiful!” Also: “I love you”.
(Below this entry was a series of unintelligible scribbling. Who knows.)
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Matthew never feels the need to approach, pursue, or interact specifically with the women he falls in love with, he knows he loves them and that is enough. Of course some day he would like all that to change, he just assumes that when the time comes he will just ‘know’. Dumb much?
As previously mentioned, today is Wednesday. Last night, Matthew was pushed, tripped, and fell into love. He is sitting now in a coffee shop putting it into his dumb little journal.
Recent journal entry (literally minutes ago)
I just smiled and tried to say hello to a stranger but this weird combination of oral fluids (less fluid-y than saliva, but not quite phlegm) adhered to the roof of my mouth and I blew a little bubble. Gross.
I was at a concert last night. I was just standing there minding the opening band when I happen to make eye contact with a woman behind me. She is standing with her girlfriend. Beautiful, but I wasn’t in love. Fast-foreword to just before the headlining act: the girls are suddenly behind me and to my left, I recognize this out of my peripheral. the beautiful on is wearing a headband/scarf of sorts, I can sense her leaning in to whisper to her friend and then they switch places so that she is closer to me. Of course I am acting casual and nonchalantly watching the band set up, but inside I just know that I am the focal interest of the woman in the headband/scarf. She bends down low to the ground as if resting her aching feet, but I just know that she is going to ‘accidentally’ bump me so that there is an excuse for conversation. Of course this happens. “I’m sorry” she says. Trumping her pre-meditated apology comes along two very large men pushing their way between us on their way to the front. “Now they are sorry” I respond. She laughs and I am smugly proud of myself. She tells me her name is Alexa; she is beautiful, but I am not in love. There is some small talk and I she tells me she is a local, living near the ‘magic’ gas station.
The band is called Active Child. They are so good.
They have a song called “When Your Love is Safe”. So good. Listen to it: here
Once the music started I notice that Alexa whispers to her friend again. Every so many moments amid the sway of the crowd our bodies touch and I am very aware. I just know that she is aware too. I like the subtle way that our bodies are trying to make us communicate, but I keep watching the band and I am not in love.
Interesting note: I keep getting the sensation that somebody is periodically blowing on my right shoulder blade.
Got distracted by the hot breath on my back. Looked back and she was gone. It’s the 2nd song and she is gone. A stranger keeps blowing on the back of my shoulder and she is gone and I am suddenly in love. Where is she? The bathroom? For sure the bathroom, her friend is still here. Song 3, and mysteriously her friend is gone. Internal panic, why? Where did they go?
(More blowing. Really?)
I try to smell myself to see if it was my body odor that insulted them. I smell, but I’m in a sweaty crowd, everybody smells. The rest of the concert is ruined because my mind cant stop creating scenarios in which I should have fallen in love earlier so as not to have lost her. Ugh.
To make matters worse there is this short Asian man, 24 or so, who keeps blowing on my bare shoulder (I am wearing a tank-top). Seriously bro, why?
So there I was loveless and getting blown in the worst way possible, the concert was ruined
After the encore, she is still gone and I am full-fledged in love. I look everywhere but she is not to be found in any of the ‘everywhere’s’ that I look. Gone. Ugh.
Never figured out the short Asian mans deal. Weird. Walked home.
Good news: Alexa told me the general area in which she lives, I am here now in that general area, a coffee shop to be precise. And so on and so on shall I sit here every day from now on until I ‘accidentally’ bump into her here and then I shall say “Alexa……………………………………………………………………………………………..”
(The rest of this entry is so badly scribbled that it is unintelligible. Who knows.)
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